Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I hate Hurricanes: repost

With March fast approaching, Hurricane Season will be here soon. I figured I'd repost one of my more popular LJ entries:

... read this and understand why I hate hurricanes.

For those who ever have visited Cox.com, you might realize that Cox Communications is the primary cable service provider across Baton Rouge, New Orleans, and Lafeytte Lousinana. In other words, the primary supplier for ALL of Lousiana. Cox Communications is also the primary cable provider for Tyler, Conroe, Luffick, and other parts of eastern Texas. As already posted before, Katrina took out most of our Lousiana network...

Rita finished the job. Right now we are estimating that about over 30 miles of fiber lines are gone, shredded. Other digitial feed lines that link the smaller towns and cities throughout Lousiana and Eastern Texas are like-wise removed from existance.

As such, I figure that I should pass on, to you, things to not do when you have a hurricane move within close proximity to your home, house, city, or other location.

1st : Do not call in when the hurricane is in your town. Especially if the eye of the hurricane has centered on Bossier Lousinana. There is not need to call in to inform us that you are missing services. You are in a hurricane. Trust us, we know that.

2nd : Do not call in stating that you need your cable tv so that you can check the weather.

2nd-A : If you are in a Hurricane prone area when asked if the radio stations are no longer broadcasting wether data, do not claim that you are too poor to afford a portable radio. Especially if you pay $90 a month for cable access.

2nd-B : And no, your cable provider is not going to provide a portable radio for you. You live in a hurricane prone area, you get your own radio.

3rd : If for some reason you retain service when the fringes of the hurricane pass over you, and then some time later you lose service, do keep in mind that it is a hurricane. A hurricane is normally several hundred miles wide, and just because it passed over your town without issue does not mean that it is going to pass over other towns without issue.

3rd-b : if you have to have a Cable Tech representative explain to you that a hurricane is big, then you do not need to be calling, much less breathing.

4th : Hurricane Clean-up is messy. Period. Your cable provider, if missing significant parts of their network, will have to rebuild that network. Because of this, do be aware that we are not going to garrentee full service for the duration of the cleanup. We will do our best to establish basic cable services. High Speed Internet, HBO, and other premium channels are luxery services. They are not a priority. We don't care if you make your living selling stuff on ebay. We will not deviate from getting the backbone of our network fixed to get you back online.

4th-b : If you live in a hurricane prone area, keep in mind that redunancies and backups are your life-blood. If you depend on the internet to make a living, have more than one service provider.

5th : wrestling is fake. Get over it. And no, we can't somehow magically make a Pay Per View System that is completely offline get back online just so you can watch sweaty men in tights grab each others butt.

5th-b : if while talking you reveal that you don't have a roof over your head, you have bigger problems than not being able to watch sweaty men in tights grab each others butt.

6th : Keep in mind that the word network means that things are connected together. A network can consist of many different items. A cable network generally consists of many different points where cable connections are made. If you live in a small town, do consider that your cable probably comes in from a larger city. As such, even if you are not directly affected by a natural disaster, such as a hurricane, and the larger city is, your cable connection will suffer the same problems as the larger city.

6th-b : Also, keep in mind that while we will try to restore basic service as soon as possible, if we need to repair lines in the larger city, you will probably be affected again with loss of service. This is to be expected.

7th : There is no need to call and ask if your account is going to be credited. A hurricane hit. We know that. Quit asking. We don't even know if you are there using the cable.

8th : If you have an existing cable problem such as fuzzy pictures, no pictures, or no internet access, please call and deal with the problem when it occurs. Do not wait until after a natural disaster has occured before calling in for the problem as there are probably going to be no technicians available to deal with your problem. Given that a natural disaster has occured, most qualified technicians will be on duty trying to patch the downed lines and other damaged parts of the network. Please expect a time period of weeks before someone is able to personally drop by with your problem.

8th-b : when informed that the only information that your cable company is seeking is wether or not there is a downed line in your area, do not get in a huff and demand a supervisor because we will not schedule an unavailable technician to get to your problem in a couple of weeks.

9th : when informed that no supervisor is avaible, it means no supervisors are available. Keep in mind that if you waited on hold for 2+ hours to speak with a representative, it probably means that the peoeple you are calling are swamped. In such a case any supervisors are probably also taking front-line calls.

9th-b : for the slow. that means the supervisors aren't there.

10th : If you live in a hurricane prone area, and there is a hurricane headed your way, do take time to prepare:

10-A : Get a portable radio
10-B : Evacuate, get out of town
10-C : Contact your utlitie providers and ask if they intend to stay in office. If they are closing up shop, you should too.
10-D : ... do not call your cable company until a week after the hurricane has passed and only if you have a downed line.

If you are a person who finds this list offensive, or simply do not understand the list, I have these instructions for you.

1: If you have cable tv, please return your tv box to the cable company at your earliest convience.

2: Please take any TV's you have in the house and please donate them to goodwill.

3: If you have high speed internet with a cable company, please return your modem to the appropiate vendor.

4: Also, pack the computer up and return it to whomever you got it from.

5: Honestly, you just don't need a computer.
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